My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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