I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
