o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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