this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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