fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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