Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
