I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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