So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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