speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
