Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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