wakey wakey hands off snakey
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
