just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
