OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize