I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
