Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
