Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
