my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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