You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
