my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
