chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
