He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
