I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
