Dude my mom stole all your condoms
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Four minutes until I can fart!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
