Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
