At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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