I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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