Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
