nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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