Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
