So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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