omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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