So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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