i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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