dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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