We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
