Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
