Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
