The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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