She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
