I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
