She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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