**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Mom said you looked used
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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