I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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