I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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