Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
