He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
