My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ketchup is God's man juice
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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