and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
