I bet he comes in French.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize