hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
