oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
