it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Never underestimate the power of titties
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
