my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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