Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
