I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
