Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't think brook has ever known best
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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