I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
