Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
