You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
