You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
