Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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