wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
