So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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