I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
