think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
false alarm. still invincible.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
