I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
