i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
